VISIT 2 • Persistence, Adherence in Service, Love for God!

Chapter from the book by Tatyana M. “On the Other Side of the Material World” (An Essay of the Experience Which I Really Had).


Soon we came to another working site of Babaji. This time, I not only saw His Face, but felt the quantity and transparency of the His whole Head.

I went inside Him, listening to His thoughts, words… Just as with Krishna, I first heard only a few words related to each concrete meditation.

… I now had every day large-scale, of importance, events: yesterday I almost was taken into a number of Spiritual Chiefs, today — into the Spiritual Revolution participants. I am already not talking about, by whom and with Whom I was in my past life… As they say, my head was spinning! It should, perhaps, rest at last!

I sat down on a mossy hummock under a pine tree. The notebook — in the hands. Am thinking… I have to be brave, strong, confident!… But embodied in a woman’s body fostered… the opposite traits of character: for ordinary “earthly” men so want to see in a woman the fragility on the verge of helplessness!* (For their own self-affirmation, or what?). When I showed the firmness and steadfastness of my character, almost alone taking matters into my own hands, — it scared men off. But I… — so wanted to please them!…

That time, I could not understand: either something is wrong in me, or with others? I even once hung on the wall the photograph of Einstein and near it — his favorite for me saying: “I worry about one thing in this world: whether I am mad, or other?”

… I did not want more strain, and I plunged into an atmosphere of peace and warmth. And suddenly I heard:

“Spread your wings! Fly like a free bird! Bring the good to people!”

I somehow understood: Yogananda and Yukteshvar! But then, I immediately began to doubt: I just love to express myself in this style! Especially — in what concerns freedom: it had accompanied me almost from my childhood! I always dreamed of freedom, though I did not really understand what it implies.

I went back to my reflections and emotions.

And then again:

“Fly above the pettiness, above the cares of this world!… Persistence is the main thing on the spiritual Path!… Resistance, truth, service, love for God — these qualities will help you!”

I was writing it down, quietly rejoicing.

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