VISIT 3 • I Am the Cloud of Golden Light!

Chapter from the book by Tatyana M. “On the Other Side of the Material World” (An Essay of the Experience Which I Really Had).

We went back half a kilometer, and Vladimir said:

“We are now near the border of the place of power of Sarkar. Now — let us enter it. This is a very large area which spans for kilometers. In the sky above this place you can even see His name.”

… I immediately remembered how before my present visit here Sarkar and David had come to me many times in the park of my city, when I was sitting on a bench under a thick spruce tree. I then learned to feel the presence of the Teachers and differentiate between Them: Who had come?

The name Sarkar I then also saw written in the space — in the sky on a background of clouds. Although at the time I doubted my perception. But I knew, due to Vladimir, that as soon as we think about one of the Divine Teachers — so He or She immediately comes.

… As I have said, the Love of each Divine Teacher has its own distinctive emotional hue, which is necessary to try to remember, for learning to recognize every one of Them.

But this distinct shade of Sarkar’s Love was very familiar to me! It was very similar to my own feelings when I fell in love in my past or when I was dreaming of true love. Then I wanted to walk hand-in-hand through the park with my beloved — and dissolve in him… Or maybe it was every time just Sarkar?!… Where were these memories from? And also — the understanding that the real love should look exactly so? I do not know this, because in this embodiment I had never met a serious reciprocation from embodied people.

… Taking a walk so with Sarkar along the paths of the park, I then felt infinitely vast and overflowing with happiness! It was enough… except perhaps of materialized Sarkar…

“And how it can be — to carry someone’s consciousness on the hands?” — I said to Vladimir, breaking a short silence. I admitted to myself that at this time I would prefer to stay Tatyana, not Guru Nanak-2 — for David to be able to carry me as Tatyana on His Hands. To do the same with Nanak — it would be somehow not as romantic…

I loved it very much in my childhood when I was carried on someone’s hands! I remember how my mother once even had to tell me straightly that I already had grown up and became too heavy! She said to me that I already can walk on my own two feet! I then, on the one hand, was offended that I was deprived of so dear to me momentary pleasure… But, at the same time, felt proud: I already could accomplish something on my own, such as walking!

“If the consciousness is collected,” — Vladimir answered me, — “then it is possible to carry it on the hands of consciousness. If it is dissolved, merged with the surrounding consciousness — this is no longer possible.

“You, in particular, during this visit, will learn the ‘total reciprocity’. But Guru Nanak-2 — did not know this… And then you have to continue to develop yourself, in particular, in this regard. The state of dissolution of the developed enough consciousness is termed Nirodhi. This means — the disappearance of the individuality, and therefore, also, all possible suffering.

“But now we are coming into the center of Sarkar’s Mahadouble. Sarkar has great emotions of joy from this! Feel!

“So — merge with His Joy, His Divine Bliss, His Divine Freedom — Freedom of the limitations of the material world!

“Did you not consider, how happy it would be to leave the material body right now forever and stay in this blissful Mergence with God?! Can you imagine? Here it is — the Liberation through disembodiment!…

“But we have to not do this in any case! We must do many good deeds on the Earth — through these material bodies of ours!

“And also from the standpoint of our own development — how much remains to be done by each of us! No one — neither I nor you, nor anyone else — should ever rest on our laurels! The one who has stopped the development on the spiritual Path — will inevitably begin to fall!

“God gave us our lives on the Earth — in order for us to improve ourselves! And we must do this — up to the last breath of our material bodies, even if minutes or seconds remain.

“I want to emphasize that those who have lived their lives righteously, that is, in accordance with the Will of God for us, in tender caring love, serving God by helping all the worthy, — they do not have to be afraid of the death of the body! I can say this emphatically because I myself have already experienced clinical death twice*. The life of everyone who lived righteously on the Earth — just continues in bliss and without the need to overcome, as on the Earth, many difficulties of earthly existence.

“But those who have not eradicated rudeness, violence, the willingness to misappropriate, who enjoys injuring others, desecrating others, those who have not developed the ability to feel the pain of others and to do everything possible to avoid causing it to them — it is they who must be afraid of the prospect of death and of what comes after it! And let this fear force them to start changing themselves!”

… Vladimir was already about to go further, arguing that my communication with Sarkar — for the moment — was quite enough.

But I did not want to leave the joyful Divine Embrace of Sarkar.

Vladimir was wearing a backpack, but he suddenly turned to me:

“Sarkar says: ‘Wait!’”

I mentally clapped my hands in happiness!

We decided to make here a little stop and eat.

“It is easy here to expand ourselves — as the spiritual hearts — and feel ourselves included in the sky,” — explained Vladimir, after we ate and rested a bit. — “We must become as the vast, almost infinite anahata over this place — and it is from this state we communicate and merge with Sarkar…

“And Sarkar invites you to try to become the fiery spiritual heart.

If you complete this and become inside the Divine Flame — then you will be almost like Him…”

Delving into meditation, I began to feel myself as huge and continuing to grow, almost a transparent golden-orange fireball. The fire was shining peacefully and joyfully. I could look out of it also into the material world.

… After this meditation I had to take a break. Then I went to Vladimir. But he began to speak first:

“It is necessary to allow Sarkar to gradually change your state of consciousness. You need as much as possible to revive the memories of your previous incarnation! I have already described to you that image which was once yours: the male body, inner peace of the consciousness resilient to the ‘earthy’ influences, that permitted you to focus on being in the subtle eons. This allowed you to transmute the consciousness into the Divine Fire — like Sarkar. You were in those meditations like a cloud of golden Light-Fire… — not like cumulus clouds in the sky, but — as cirrus clouds, though assembled in space. And you could see from the two lower ‘cloudy’ dantians — forward into the space…”

I did not succeed in doing this at once. Vladimir had to remind me several times that I must begin — from being completely removed from the top “bubble of perception”. To leave it completely — it was not so easy this time. I “jumped out” often. I had to make great efforts to keep the desired state as long as possible. And, when I succeeded, I really felt like a man, standing very strongly on the ground in orange clothes, with a confident and tranquil posture. But what was most interesting — I did not feel my (or his?) head and neck at the usual place for them: they were… in the spiritual heart…

I had to pause again. Vladimir at the time explained:

“Pay attention: you felt like Nanak — both in and around the body, and in a fully incorporeal state. That is, in the second case, the body disappearing from the perception — and only the consciousness was, in the form of delicate golden Light-Fire…”

I went again into the meditation, feeling the immensity and grandeur of this state…

Somewhere, like through a fog, I heard sketchily the words of Vladimir:

“… To enjoy Sarkar — one should be completely dissolved in Him…”



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