Interrupted Song… and Repentance

Chapter from the book  “How God Can Be Cognized. Book 2. Autobiographies of the Disciples of God”  — Anna Zubkova.

The only way to purify the soul from vices is repentance.

But, how can we repent? This was explained in detail in [1,4,7], and I will give you some examples about the same thing.

Vladimir recently told us about a situation that happened once, when he had only studied the interaction with God in the Orthodox tradition. He advised his young Orthodox friend to pass through repentance in church. He told him that he would come back from this experience renewed! Vladimir asked him:

“So, have you repented?”

“Yes!!!”

“From what?”

“ … I do not know …”

“How did you repent then?”

“Like this: ‘I am a sinner, O Lord! I am a sinner, O Lord! I am a sinner, O Lord!’…

… In the beginning, I also repented but maybe a little better than Vladimir’s young friend. Many times I did a recapitulation of my whole life and tried to observe the situations as if from outside. I looked at the mistakes that I could recall which caused pain and sufferings to other beings and asked for their forgiveness… and, I thought, I had already repented for everything that I could remember…

But we should understand that the work of purification and transformation of oneself can not be done only once and for all…

Sometimes, God leads us so that we recollect again and again the things that we did not understand well and the things that remained unclosed even after penitential work.

… I will give you an example; we collect flowers of bird-cherry to make honey. With us — Divine Lao. At a certain moment I started to feel so bad, as if I was dying, almost losing consciousness… I was trying to understand: what could be the reason for this?

I asked Lao: “What is wrong?”

“Understand:” — He replied — “you are picking flowers that I taught you to keep on the palms of your Love, on the palms of the hands of your spiritual heart! Now you are picking them mechanically: if it was for food or your survival — then it would be okay… But this is — not quite so!

“Moreover: they give you their lives, their scent, their love — you do not have the right to accept these gifts without gratitude to them!…

“So recall in your mind all of My children incarnated into plant bodies, whose lives you took away in vain…”

… I then remembered bouquets of wildflowers gathered in my childhood, garlands of dandelions… I recollected lilies — the northern relatives of Indian lotus: which we pulled out of the water to make beads from them. We were breaking their stalks, and now the beautiful corollas were hanging lifelessly and dying…

I repented and asked for forgiveness — and learned to never forget those lessons of Lao…

… And quite recently, being familiar with the state of my energy purity and transparency in my body, I noticed a slight darkening, which I could not eliminate by any means. I tried to deal with this myself for a long time, but I could not get rid of it…

We went to Babaji*. He was answering questions and was encouraging us to ask more.

I took my chance — and asked about that situation.

Vladimir transmitted Babaji’s answer:

“This has a karmic cause. Repentance is required. It is — from your ‘tourist’ past.”

… “Tourist past”… I had only nice memories about the hikes of my childhood. My dad had taught me the hiking life from my early childhood. In the summer we were kayaking or bicycling, in the winter skiing. Dad always was transformed in such hikes, becoming a completely different human being… Now I understand the mechanism: in contact with nature he immersed himself into his anahata and lived by his spiritual heart, transforming our journey into happiness through communicating with nature.

For a long time, I was not able to remember about the things that I could have done wrong then. I remembered hikes… The vast expanses of Vuoksa, the marvelous beauty of the environment, where only one-third of the surroundings is land: there are rising granite islands out of the lake’s surface overgrown with pine trees, mosses and lichens, and everything else there is — water, transparent surface of the water…

Boats slipping through the smooth water surface, we arrived on an island… And there — in the small granite hollows — there were spinney of birch boletes and red-cap boletes, blueberries and cranberries. And rising above the water, granite cliffs were calling us to climb to the top — to see the amazing beauty of the lake and land from a height… Beautiful sunrises, sunsets…

My dad was an example to follow in many ways: living trees were never cut for a bonfire, broken paws of living spruces were never used to be litter for tents, dad was never able to catch a fish himself: he was physically feeling the pain of worms, which we would have to put on a hook… Neither he nor I, nor my mother knew about the ethics of nutrition… and, of course, we ate sausage, meat and canned fish…

… I was not able to find the specific reasons mentioned by Babaji. I tried to ask him for help once more…

And then I remembered one hike very different from all others, which turned out to be almost erased from my memory, hidden in the depths…

On this occasion everything was not as it used to be. I was about eight — ten years old. This hike was not guided by my dad but by his friend — a hunter and fisherman who had a much experience in this field.

He was not an evil man. And he was the one who also once taught my dad about the hiking life on water.

… We were sailing along a river with low, swampy, braky banks. Every night, a fishing net was put across the river — and huge fishes were turning to be the victims… And we then ate them…

At one time, he brought us a dead woodcock as a trophy and was very proud and happy…

Here!… Now I was sure that I had found and recollected to memory my mistakes…

I saw once again the dead body of the bird — with his large round glassy eyes, his soft brown feathers and amazingly long beak. I realized for the first time that it was — killed! And that this little hunt trophy of vanity could not serve as a meal for nine people…

Still until now I cannot remember: if I ate his flesh or not at that time… But! At that time I closed my eyes of the soul and hid them from this awareness — because of the horror… But the ability to understand was so close… This was the first deliberate choice of the soul that I could have made… But at that time I chickened out — and continued to live like everyone else: with my eyes of the consciousness closed…

… I also did not know much about woodcocks then, even if the occasion to see them was there… I was always asleep when down-low over the river, they were flying over the bushes, hanging down their long “noses”, when these amazing birds were filling the evening and the morning dawns with “peenting” and “twittering” — with their mysterious, inimitable song.

Now, many years later, I have learned more about the life of the woodcocks, I have learned to appreciate hearing their songs, and I even made a movie about their amazing flight…

Now I understand very well the magnitude of my mistakes! I asked forgiveness of that woodcock, which, in obedience to the divine call of spring and love, sang its song… but a shot of a human-predator rang out and cut short its life… and that its song…

… In recent years, I have often seen them up-close by taking part in the work with Vladimir… Sometimes it has happened that, a woodcock, after feeling the field of my love, hovered in the air a meter from my face for a few seconds. He was looking at me with surprise: is she really the one who radiates such love?… And I in response was only able to send to it new portions of my love, because the camera could not shoot it in the descended twilight…

Beautiful songs of the woodcocks, curlews and snipes sound all over the land… And somewhere in the distance the shots are ringing out… Hunters “prowess” are still continuing to cut short bird’s lives…

*  Babaji, embodied in His last incarnation as an Avatar in Haidakhan, India. His Teachings are described in [5], see also [4,6,10].

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